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Driving in Phoenix

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Thought you all might appreciate this! Driving in Phoenix.

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE! - niks."

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00a to 10:00a. The evening rush hour is from 3:00p to 7:00p. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways-I-10, I-17, U.S. 60, Loop 202 -- is 85 mph. You may only exceed that speed on Loop 101, where the speed is allowed to match the highway number. Anything less is considered wimpy.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires go after that. (Note: East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.)

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever..... Seriously!

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9 . You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the I-10" are all the same road.

10. To find anything in Phoenix, it is required to know where Central and Washington are. This is our Alpha and Omega-the Beginning and the End.

11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

12. If you are in the left lane, and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

14. You are allowed to wear potholders to protect your hands and fingers during the summer driving months.

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15. Flicking a lit cigarette out a window will burn a minimum of 50 sq acres.

16. You MUST slow down and rubberneck at every minor accident. You ARE NOT permitted, however, to slow or stop to help a stranded motorist.

17. Motorcyclists are required to carry a living will on their person, when driving on I-17,

I-10, the 101,202, or 51. The 303 is still optional.

18. Sun City residents will be designated as such by their tan colored sedan that appears to be operating without a driver.

19. Rolling meth labs must stay in the far right lane, or shoulder, at all times.

20. If you are hit from behind, there is a 70% chance the other driver will jump out of his car and sprint due South!

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