SonOfSwamp

We call those humpback crickets or cave crickets here in assbackwards Nashville. A funny: Some years back, co-inspector Rick and I did an inspection for a nervous-nelly kinda guy. At the end of the job, Rick took the guy down into the low-headroom crawl space. The guy saw all the crickets and freaked out a little. When he came out, he asked me what he could do to get rid of them. I said, "Call a bug man." So, he called a bug man, who killed the bugs. A few days later, nervous nelly calls me and says, "I can't stand the smell of all those dead bugs. What can I do?" Smartass that I am, I said, "Your options are pretty much limited to waiting out the smell, which will die down eventually; or, you can go down there with a spoon, and give each dead bug a decent burial." Never heard from nelly again. WJ

An real world example of a possible trip to the defendant's table. A inspector comments about an A/C system that doesn't work properly. Needs Repair. Pretty straightforward. Tech comes in and says the entire condenser needs to be replaced. Owner calls inspector and says You didn't tell me it had to replaced, you just said the A/C needs repair. A written description of Repair could say that some or all of components might have to be replaced. I think the descriptions are worthwhile. Oranges turned into apples somewhere between my post and the one above. I'm not talking about a spitting match with an HVAC guy. I'm talking about a home inspector creating new definitions for words that got defined hundreds of years ago. Home inspectors aren't really qualified to get into the definition business. Neither are tradesmen. Folks who aren't masters of the language would do well to stay out of arguments involving linguistics and semantics. Leave that to the wordsmithy lawyers, judges and qualified experts. As far as real-world situations go, let's just say I've been in a few in which the disagreeing parties were dumb enough to (metaphorically) shoot themselves in the feet, shins and knees via their own ignorance, bad logic and their stubborn insistence that whatever screwball ideas (or definitions) that popped into their heads are correct because, well, they think they're correct. Let me offer one simple example. Let's say there's a leak in the trap, under the kitchen sink. I'm not going to try to define this as a "deficiency," or "in need of repair," or any such bureaucrat-speak; and, I'm surely not going to direct readers to a separate section in which I define "deficiency." I'm just going to say that there's a leak in the trap under the kitchen sink, and the leak needs to be fixed. Pity the poor reader. WJ id="blue">

Don't go by me, but I was able to do the HI job and write the report at the house, with a laptop and printer on a kitchen table. Whether I worked with my co-inspector or solo, I could usually get the job done in a couple hours, at least on a plain-vanilla medium-sized not-too-old house. If an HI's spending a lot of time writing reports, he might want to increase his typing/editing speed. People told me that 9th-grade typing class would be the most useful class I'd ever take. They were right. WJ

I think it would be way too much CYA. When an HI focuses a customer's attention on the HI's feverish efforts to cover his own backside, the customer loses confidence and looks hard for HI screwups. If the HI ends up in court, the CYA language is likely to get the HI beat upside the head with the hammer of justice. IMHO, the best way to CYA is to make it appear that the last thing on your mind is Cing your A. WJid="blue">

I used Cramer's original AmiPro version of IR, the one that was created for Windows 3.1. It's ancient now, but it still works, even on Vista. And, truth be told, I think it's the best HI-reporting package ever created. (Of course, it's not pic friendly, but I used graphics, not pix.) The beauty of the Cramerware was that I could click my way through a few drop-down boxes, and include things like: Water heater: 50 gallon unit; in the garage. Roof: Viewed from the ground using binoculars, from the roof edge, and via upstairs windows. I could enter those things very quickly, and they showed where I'd been, and what I'd done. The words used to "fill in the blanks" were my words. As far as coming up with buzzwords, glossaries, and all that, I never even considered it. It would be the very opposite of my conversational style. Anyhow, I just wrote the report, at the house, with the laptop and printer on the kitchen table. I wrote it plain English with complete sentences, just like I do here. I wanted the customers to hear my voice when they read the report, not some robot voice "inserted" by a software vendor. (Generally, I hate and despise HI-reporting software, because most of it's just plain crap.) I learned in high school that nobody likes stilted writing, tedious writing, or the writing of folks who are trying to sound "professional." I want my reports to sound like me talking, not like the minutes of a school board meeting. When the job's done, I want the customers to like me, not hate me for writing like a bureaucrat. As for definitions: Hell, the words are in the dictionary. They already have definitions, which have stuck for hundreds of years. The HIs of the world aren't going to out-define the people who write dictionaries. An HI writing his own defintions is a great shortcut to the defendant's table. I'm amazed that I have to explain this. Long story short: Write like you talk, make sure you're correct, make sure that nobody can misunderstand your words, and everything will be copacetic. Writing a report is -- or should be -- a very simple thing. WJ

We'd be able to discern a lot more if we had these HIs' reports in front of us. Clearly, any judge, jury or high-functioning moron knows that if a pipe's buried in a wall, nobody knows what's going on with the pipe. However, if one reads a typical HI report, or runs across some HI boilerplate here at TIJ or elsewhere online, we can see the recurring theme of HIs using soft-sell, passive-voice, it's-screwed-but-it's-OK reporting language. Such language is a pollutant; it destroys the writer's credibility. Soft-sell InspectorSpeak been employed for 30+ years, not in an effort to inform, but in an effort to brush aside concerns, mislead and comfort buyers, etc., all to the benefit of RE salesfolk. It's catching up to us. And rightly so. Just as the founding-father HIs would've served the biz better by making their pitch directly to homebuyers (not RE agents), they/we would've served the biz better by teaching HIs how to communicate in writing, in a way that protects the HIs and serves the customers. As my daddy, Jabo Jowers, would've said: "Y'all did it to your own selves." WJid="blue">

Well, then, GA HIs need to put some impossible-to-misunderstand words into their contracts and reports. Something like: "It's not unusual for water to get into a crawl space. There are few, if any, leakproof boats, and, to the best of my knowledge, no leakproof crawl spaces." I'm speculating again, but I'd bet that the unfortunate HI had wishy-washy, passive-voice, it's-screwed-up-but-it's-OK boilerplate all over his contract and report, probably on every page, and relating to every component. When judges and lawyers find such language, it riles 'em, and the guy with the wishy-washy boilerplate pays. That's what happens when an HI writes his documents in a way that disowns the HI's work. The cure: HIs need to drop their timid writing styles, and be direct. And correct. WJ

I doubt that the plaintiffs could prove negligence if the HI gave adequate warning, or anything close to adequate warning. If we read the whole report, I'd guess that we'd find a recurring theme of the HI saying things were OK whether they were OK or not, and giving no common-sense explanations of how he decided that the blessed things were actually OK. The plaintiff's lawyer probably argued that this HI blessed everything without actually looking at it, and used the HI's own words to buttress his argument. I'd bet that the HI used a canned fill-in-the-blank report full of wishy-washy boilerplate, and I'd bet he thought that the boilerplate would cover his backside, because, after all, it came with the software... And of course, I'm just speculating, so I could be wrong... WJ PS: If the HI had followed my oft-repeated rule that an HI must write words that can't be misunderstood, everything would be copacetic. All he needed was something simple, like: "Most of the plumbing is hidden in the walls and underground. I couldn't see these hidden pipes, so I don't know their condition."

I freely admit to being jaded. I started the HI gig in 1985. It was fun for about 20 years. After 5,000 or so attics and crawls, and licensing on the horizon, I couldn't think of a good reason to go into attic number 5,001. And, HI work ain't my best skill. So when I got the opportunity to limit my housey work to consulting and EW work, and I had time to work on things I'm better at, I made a lateral move. The jaded-ness, I think, comes from the fact that most of the EW work makes me concentrate on just how how much some HIs can screw up what's a pretty simple job. So far, the worst loss to a family who didn't do anything wrong, except hire the wrong HI: About $300,000. Now, with mandatory E&O, every HI risks significant loss on every job -- about 8X the cost of the inspection. WJid="blue">

My two cents: When Hansen walked, that told me everything I needed to know. Best I know, with precious few exceptions, the once-stellar teachers are gone, and are in the sales end of the biz now. My anecdotal knowledge indicates that HI schools are down to stems and seeds. But don't go by me. I went through college without buying any books. I went to the library, read 'em, took my tests and everything was copacetic. When I was at OHJ, I read most of their library. Same result -- learned what I needed to learn, and employed the knowledge as needed. Maybe it's just me, but I find the library to be much more interesting and exciting than somebody droning on in a classroom, all the while trying to sell reporting "systems" and bogus "certifications." WJid="blue">

I say: It is possible -- although not necessarily easy -- for a bright individual to just start reading, and learn all he needs to know about HI work. If that bright individual is also responsible and personable, he'll get work. I think going to HI school is a giant step backward. HI school is a Bizarro world filled with open ignorance and suburban myths. Go to a bookstore, buy books that will teach you what you need to know, and study those books. It'll cost a fraction of what HI school costs, you'll know more, and you'll be able to dodge the rain of bullshift that comes from HI schools. I'm not cynical. Really. WJ

Your market's big enough to cough up enough educated customers to support a good HI business. Those customers are your peer group, your demographic. They'll seek you -- and guys like you -- out. But shrink that market down to about Nashville size, and the number of savvy customers drops considerably. For 20 years, I mined the demographic of movers, shakers, doctors, lawyers and biz- and media types. It worked great until the RE lobbyists finally had their way with the state legislators. For me, anyway, it seemed that HI work would soon be a losing proposition. And pretty soon, it was. If I wanted to keep my biz going, I would've had to go out and market to the new crop of young RE agents, who work for donuts, and who mine the crop of young HIs, who work for peanuts. Life's too short... Anyhow, the deal has gone down in TN. I'm pretty sure my Basset hound, Rufus, could pass the HI tests. Sooner or later, though, Rufus would have to sell his doghouse to pay the deductible on his E&O. Where HI work is concerned, TN is now a poisoned wasteland. WJid="blue"> Walter, as with most professional writers you tend to exagarate and get a little colorful with your descriptions. I must say that I have not experienced what you are always talking about in your post, but then I have only lived in TN for about 18 months now. Got a source or a logic tree for that statment that "most professional writers" tend to "exagarate (sic)?" Your hyperbole morphs into irony. I don't doubt that your experience in TN is very much unlike mine. A little history: The RE lobby started working to control HIs 10+ years ago. It started with a bill that required HIs who worked on new-construction jobs be a member of an HI org. Heck, any HI org. That law was implemented, but never enforced. Some years later, the RE lobby made another push. I tried to get 10 TN HIs to cough up $1,000 each, so we could make some effort to stop the legislation. I found no willing contributors. In short, I got the poor-mouth. The HI biz in and around Nashville is, I think, a lot different from HI work in central Mississippi. Very different demographics, very different points of view. (One can compare age, income, education statistics, etc. online.) I describe what I've seen over a 20-year spell right here on the ground in the capital city -- a slow but relentless push by the RE lobby to ensure that the RE agents and brokers gain flexibility in picking HIs, and also ensure that HIs' E&O insurance protects the reeltors' pocketbooks. In my view, it's a very anti-consumer way of doing things. I guess that's why I've been asked to participate in a little bit of investigative reporting. And, I guess that's why I work for plaintiffs more than I work for real estate ladies these days. I guess that's why when a local HI screws the pooch, I'm likely to get invited to the courthouse, to explain how that happened. Truth be told, most of the screwups come from a lack of education and and a seemingly equal lack of native intelligence. I see salespeople using poorly educated HIs who are better suited to menial labor. To me, those two ingredients alone are enough to create a wasteland. WJid="blue">

I wasn't exactly restricted. The HI tests are simple, the RE market is strong even now, and the state SOP is easy to follow. My business was changed by the system that the TN state legislature put in place, per the wishes of the RE lobby, who'd been working to control HIs for at least 10 - 15 years. When I started my HI biz in the mid-80s, there were maybe 5 HIs in town, and only two of them (including me) worked regularly. I don't know how many HIs there were before HI licensing, but TN now has well over 600. We don't need that many. By creating a bottomless well of dumb, cheap and compliant home inspectors, each with mandatory E&O insurance, the RE lobby has created a system that virtually guarantees that RE agents will scrape HIs from the bottom of the barrel, turn 'em loose on naive customers, and let the HIs' E&O pay for any real or perceived mistakes. Truth be told, though, I was just plain ready to quit. HI work is frustrating enough without the indignity of being thrown into the Pool of Six Hundred. Mine was a unique business; I was able to make up my own rules and keep my customers happy. I liked it that way. Rightly or wrongly, I came to the conclusion that the new system would just make me itch. In short, the work that had been fun for 20 years quit being fun. I'm pretty well-suited to doing research, writing reports and explaining things. The lawyers' offices are clean, everybody in the room can read and write (well, except the builders and most of the HIs), and the pay is about 5X HI pay. Five thousand attics and five thousand crawl spaces were more than enough for me. I restricted myself out of the everyday HI biz. I've got some other unfinished work, unrelated to bricks and boards, and I'm enjoying that. Still, I don't want to lose my house chops. I try to keep current. Hope all that makes sense, WJ

Your market's big enough to cough up enough educated customers to support a good HI business. Those customers are your peer group, your demographic. They'll seek you -- and guys like you -- out. But shrink that market down to about Nashville size, and the number of savvy customers drops considerably. For 20 years, I mined the demographic of movers, shakers, doctors, lawyers and biz- and media types. It worked great until the RE lobbyists finally had their way with the state legislators. For me, anyway, it seemed that HI work would soon be a losing proposition. And pretty soon, it was. If I wanted to keep my biz going, I would've had to go out and market to the new crop of young RE agents, who work for donuts, and who mine the crop of young HIs, who work for peanuts. Life's too short... Anyhow, the deal has gone down in TN. I'm pretty sure my Basset hound, Rufus, could pass the HI tests. Sooner or later, though, Rufus would have to sell his doghouse to pay the deductible on his E&O. Where HI work is concerned, TN is now a poisoned wasteland. WJid="blue">

Do you mean like the excerpt below? A seller posted this on a home buying message board. They're the items from the inspection report that the buyer wants fixed. The poster asked if anyone could decipher it. I mostly couldn't. That's what I'm talking about. Prospective homebuyers just need to read one, or some, of the HI's reports. This report identifies the writer as a dumb, lazy illiterate who can't or won't fix his own mistakes. The guy's writing is a jumble. That means his brain is a jumble. His skillset is limited to that of a menial laborer. His HI work is useless. Next dumbass... WJid="blue">

As much as I'd like to see progress toward creating a legion of competent, peer-reviewed HIs, I don't think it'll ever happen. At least not in my lifetime. It's too late to fix the current HI mess. The missile has left the silo. States have implemented, or soon will implement, HI licensing. The RE lobby will see to it that there is an endless supply of state-certified HIs. The knowledge/performance bar will be set very low, to ensure that the HIs are universally dumb, cheap and compliant. Here in assbackwards TN, the HIs are now essentially the RE agents' provider of free insurance. I tell clients and would-be clients: If you want to know what kind of HI you're getting, just read one of his reports. His words are a window into his brain. His writing will tell you if he's smart or dumb, straight or crooked, erudite or fulla crap. Mostly, what HI reports and "sample" reports show is that HIs are working for the RE agents, not the clients. I tell clients to avoid any HI who has a "For Reeltors" section on his website. Any prospective homeowners who can't figure out an HI's capabilities and proclivities by looking at his report and website ought to get the cheap knucklehead they deserve. And, heck, chances are near 100% that they were going to get such an HI anyway... WJ

Maybe it's just me, but if I had the problem, I'd make a giant mirror out of plywood and tinfoil, and point it back at the neighbor's windows. Maybe put out a couple hoopdie woofers, and play German polkas in the direction of the offending sunshine. WJ

My guess: There was a little metal-roofed "balcony" on the original house. The old metal roof started leaking, and the homeowner decided that installing a cheap uglyass abomination was the way to go. Back in 1986 or thereabouts, I wrote an article about sleeping porches for OHJ. Here's a link to a link: http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-3780679.html And the teaser text that starts the article: Not long ago, sleeping in a closed bedroom was considered trouble. In the 19th century, Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote of a child who "this morning sits up in bed with his hair bristling with crossness, strikes at his nurse and declares he won't say his prayers." She concluded: "The child, having slept in a close box of a room, his brain all night fed by poison, is in a mild state of moral insanity." Well, Stowe may have had a gift for hyperbole, but her ideas about stuffy sleeping quarters weren't too different from those of her contemporaries. By the turn of the 20th century, much of American society had embraced the idea of open-air sleeping. From that time until around 1925, many ... WJ

Possible exception: I've seen many a bathroom with a little dedicated water heater. Usually, they serve a whirly tub and/or shower. Sometimes they're buried in a wall. Plumbers being what they are these days, it's possible that a hidden water heater got hooked up to the offending sink. If the smell comes back, somebody might want to go on a water-heater hunt. WJid="blue">

Sigh. I will be the curmudgeon. Vinyl siding leaks water and air, leaving wall cavities vulnerable to water penetration, rot, mold, etc. Vinyl siding generally lowers the value of a house. It also melts when people light up barbecues, or the house next door catches on fire, or reflections from neighbors' windows hit it. Besides all that, any would-be burglar with a box cutter can cut off the vinyl and walk right through the wall into the house, in seconds. In short, vinyl is very expensive. A decent-but-affordable affordable siding such as HardiPlank would serve better. I say rather than fret over the neighbors' vinyl-melting windows, just get rid of the vinyl. And don't buy any more vinyl. It's not durable, and the total cost of ownership (TOC) is just too high. That said, vinyl siding should come with a warning about leaks, cracks, melts, etc. Naive homeowners think it's just fine. Never buy siding you could wear as a belt, WJ

That's what we used to call at OHJ a "remuddling." Histo-presto types would probably just call it an "eclectic" house. A little Tudor timbering, a little bungalesque front porch. It's just a mix of stuff from -- best I can guess -- the late 20s to the late 30s. In my little 300-house ca. 1900-1930 streetcar suburb, we have zoning that precludes any hideous additions to the front of the house. They could use some of those restrictions on this ugly booger... WJid="blue">

Some states have mold info on state-run websites. If I were going to include a link to mold info, I'd link to a state-run website. At a state-run agency, a worried homeowner can reach an actual person on the phone, and get a little hand-holding. These days, though, I'm leaning more toward info such as: 1. Find and fix the leak(s). 2. Throw out the wet stuff. 3. Put in new stuff where the wet stuff used to be. WJ

I'd try to help, but I have no idea how "drain cleaning" works in India. WJ

Cheap HIs, the people who hire them and the RE agents who recommend them all deserve each other. It's the dumb leading the dumber. There ought to be a homebuyer's license... WJ