SonOfSwamp

Y'all might want to check out mozy.com Free or cheap off-site backup. I probably should have signed up already, but I hate filling out online forms. WJ

OOOPPPS! Oh well, I just blushed. I was in a hurry and less than thrilled about the response from a person I believe to be a long-time inspector. I thought it was uncalled for. My reply should have read: What a helpful response......Why try to embarrass someone asking for help? Or maybe I should have left it alone. Let me gently offer a not-so-humble opinion: Nobody benefits by the blessing of bad reporting. One of the big problems in the HI biz is mangled, scrambled HI writing. These days, I make my honest dollars mostly by pointing out to interested folks that some HI wrote pages and pages of gobbledegook and/or useless generic boilerplate, none of which was of any use to the poor client and some of which actually harmed the client, by keeping him confused and/or ignorant. And that being the case, the report didn't meet any reasonable standard of care. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. So, we can go all milquetoasty and pat each other on the head, or we can just face up to the fact that many, if not most of us, need to write better. The first step is to just state the simple truth and own our comments, rather than hiding behind a curtain like the guy who played the Wizard of Oz. I know that middle-aged folk don't like to have their writing critiqued or their mistakes corrected. Even so, I offer this analogy one more time: Everybody here has probably built a simple shop project. Say a footstool. We all know what a decent footstool should look like. Now, if one sets out to make a footstool, but he bangs it together using bent rusty nails, and he uses a rock for his hammer, he's going to make a mess. When that happens, right-minded folks who see his footstool should just say straight-up: "That's a mess. Go back and do it again until you get it right." There's no honor or glory in looking at a bad thing, and calling it good. One last analogy: If you want your kid to learn how to hit a ball, don't yell out, Good cut!" when he misses the ball by a foot. WJid="blue">

Y'know, I'd just wipe the dirt off and see if it came back. But that's just me... WJ

One can install the digital version of the IRC codes on a laptop. Having the code info on the computer, at the house, is a wonderful argument-settler, particularly on new-construction inspections. I suppose there's a way to suck all the code info onto a memory card, then put the card in the PDA, and have the code words, tables, charts and drawings available on a little bitty unreadable screen, but why would anybody want to do that. Real computer. Real display. Real keyboard. Ten human fingers. It works. WJ

The fastest way to get custom-written (not boilerplate) words into a report is to touch-type on a full-size keyboard, using 9 or 10 fingers. Carrying multiple gizmos and gadgets (which may not have any backup) into the field, then synching gadgets back at the office, is sure to take a lot longer. Bonus: After a year or so of service in the field, a decent laptop will still be useful as a school-kid or Internet-surfing computer. That probably won't be true of pocket-size gizmos. Laptop-on-kitchen-table typist, WJ

Well, thank goodness, not really. One newspaper/magazine article/TV or radio appearance means absolutely nothing. Every time I get on TV or radio, I get 2 or 3 calls from somebody out in the sticks wanting to know if I can fetch a dead possum from under his house. I've written 500+ newspaper columns, and dozens of magazine articles. These add up to means millions of "exposures." When I Google myself, I find something I wrote or said on about 10 pages of Google, before other Walters and Jowerses start to dilute the stream. If everybody who read my stuff sent me a dollar, I'd have tens of millions in the bank right now. Rest assured, though, I have what a fellow writer calls, "third-string-minor-league-catcher recognition." My claim to fame is that a few disgruntled-homeowner websites reprint some of my columns. I am less than a blip on the radar. I'm a bl..., maybe just a b... So, don't sweat Patel, or any other "one-hit wonder." Statistically, nobody read the article, nobody knows who he is or what he does, and his ripple effect is less than zero. WJ

Geez. Looks like it's designed to waste your whole day and make your thumbs really sore. People who can type need a full-size keyboard. WJ

One can buy a fire-rated folding stair right off the shelf. I've told many a customer to buy one of these things. Don't know if any ever bought one, though. If I needed an attic stair that wasn't a real wood stair, I'd get one of these. Looky here: http://www.rainbowatticstair.com/attic- ... ladder.cfm WJ

Funny you should say that. A while back, one of the savvy RE agents in town -- one who attracted the same quirky upscale artistic-type customers who read my column and comprised my clientele -- walked over to me and said, "You totally get by on personality." I replied, "Yeah. You, too." My company's Smarty Pants Lawyer (SPL) said that co-inspector Rick and I prospered because we were the HI equivalent of Penn and Teller. "It's a home inspection," she said, "and a free show." So, Les, you've figured it out: I'm only mean on HI web boards, and that's because this weird business requires people who can't write well to write every day. It makes me a little grouchy. I'm probably the only HI who came from a publishing background, rather than a trades or engineering background. And, work-wise, I had the advantage of working for a clientele who came to the inspections already knowing all my opinions, quirks and proclivities, and my daughter's batting average and ERA besides. I never had to win anybody over at the jobsite. I freely admit that I had almost none of the headaches that plague so many folks in this business. WJ

Like it or not, all PC users will be running Vista sooner or later; and, we'll all have to buy replacements for our old software, such as Adobe Acrobat. While I'm thinking about it, Windows Explorer is alive and well in Vista. I use it every day. WJ PS: All that said, I can't get my Vista PC to network with my XP machine. Google "Vista network problems" and you'll see that Vista and XP just don't play well together...

It's highly likely that the manufacturer of that roof system has specs that show the right way to flash those vents. I can tell you with high confidence that running a bead of caulk around the holes is not the right way to waterproof those vents. I always got the manufacturer's specs. Best I recall, I never found an installation that conformed to the specs. For general info/specs on flashings and metalwork in general, one needs a SMACNA manual. WJ

FWIW, there are some, well, guidelines in the NAHB Residential Construction Performance Guidelines. Stuff like certain cosmetic defects must be fixed if they're visible from a certain distance. I've cited those guidelines a few times. Truth be told, the house can look like hell and still meet the NAHB guidelines. But that can be good: it sets customer expectations exactly where they should be, which is very, very low. WJ

Fascinating. And, it puts me in a mood for confessing and/or enlightening. Here's how I got my HI education: Even though I had no real experience as a carpenter, I rebuilt a (rotten) flat-lock metal porch roof on a neighbor's 80-year-old house, photographed the work, wrote an article about it, and submitted it to OHJ. OHJ hired me as an editor, and moved me to NYC. Once at OHJ, I set about reading every book in their library (same way I got through college). While I was at it, I read every issue of New England Builder (now JLC). JLC hired me as a freelance columnist. Then I read everything Rodale was publishing. Rodale hired me as a freelance writer for their books and magazines. I subscribed to, and read, every decent building mag available. Read a lot of books, too. Then I just printed up cards and started up an HI biz. During the first (lean) year or two, I made most of my living by writing for OHJ, JLC and Rodale. Twelve years ago, I started writing a weekly column for the local alternative newsweekly. About 1/4 of the columns have to do with homeowning, house "stewardship" and the real estate and HI bizzes. That created an affluent, and trusting, customer base. My only real building experience came from renovating three old houses. (Made a profit on all of 'em.) I was never a builder, a contractor or a construction worker. I was just a guy working on my own houses. My only unusual skill was the ability to explain things so that people understood me. Long story short: The self-taught/handy guy/bookworm/silver-tongued devil route might not be for everybody. However,it's entirely possible for a motivated person to educate himself about how houses work, and have a perfectly good run in the HI business. For me, 20 years, .05% complaint rate, no claims paid. Two very good things about my method: (1) Didn't have to waste any time at a lame-ass HI school. (2) I actually got paid to educate myself. Finally, this: A whole lot -- probably more than half -- of my HI education came from generous and brilliant HIs who were willing to (figuratively) slap me upside the head whenever they caught me thinking wrong... WJ

I just handed customers a roll of masking tape, and told them to mark all the things that bothered them. They were always happy to oblige... WJ

Just curious: What's wrong with saying, or writing, or otherwise agreeing on terms something like this: I won't walk on the roof, because the tiles are brittle and might break if I walk on them. There are ways to make a close inspection of a tile roof without damaging the tiles, but those methods involve specialized equipment, such as "chicken" ladders, scaffolding, work platforms and/or a bucket truck. If the seller will agree to cover the costs of replacing any tiles I break, and the buyer will cover the cost of any specialized equipment I might need, I'll be glad to make a close inspection of the roof. Or, I'll look at the tiles from the edge of the roof and from dormers and upstairs windows, at no extra charge. Let me know what you want to do... Thanks, Your humble HI

I envy our 140-pound brother. I think I hit 140 around 6th grade. Now, not to go all anecdotal-scientific, but I don't think the roof walker's weight would necessarily be the toe that broke the tile's back, so to speak. I know that a 100-lb. woman in stilletos can tear up a wood floor in a day's time. It's a pounds-per-square-inch thing. I'm just guessing, but I'd say that my size 12 EEEEs might be less likely to break a tile than the smaller foot of a much lighter person. Feet like mine spread the load. I freely admit, though, that I'm no expert when it comes to modern concrete tile. The closest I got to that kind of tile was 50- 80-year-old asbestos/cement tile. That stuff's brittle. I wouldn't walk on it. If somebody really wanted me to look at that stuff from above, they'd have to rent me a bucket truck. WJid="blue">

If you don't mind me asking, where are those guidelines? I clicked on the link, navigated the website, and didn't find any guidelines for walking on roof tiles. WJid="blue">

Well, bear in mind that in this hypothetical situation, I would be the homeowner wanting to keep the HI off my roof. So, I wouldn't being looking at the roof. I'd be looking at the guy looking at the roof, and I'd want him to be in a bucket truck. Now that HI #1 is gone, none of the parties will ever know what he saw, unless he decides to tell them. If he does decide to say something, he's surely going to say that the tiles were fine when he left them; and, he'll say that he did his inspection from a ladder to make sure he didn't do any damage. I've never inspected modern concrete roof tiles, so I Googled "walk on concrete roof tiles," hoping for a quick education. It wasn't an exhaustive Googling, but just about everything I read admonished folks to stay off concrete tiles. I found suggestions that a person mounting such a roof should crawl (not walk) the roof; stay on a chicken ladder; and/or, lie on a sheet of plywood. You could be totally in the right on this job, and I hope you are. But if the sellers or their agent can Google, they're going to have some ammo. WJid="blue">

Yes, yes, YES!!!id="maroon"> It's not just that a lot of HIs rely too much on boilerplate. It's that they rely too much on poorly-written wretched canned boilerplate. With the exception of the boilerplate that comes with Mark Cramer's IR software, I've never seen HI boilerplate that was worth using. All I've seen is soft-sell, misleading, mostly-illiterate gobbledegook. It does much more harm than good. ("Worthless pablum," as described in Herner vs. HouseMaster.) All my way of saying: if an HI just has to rely on point-and-click boilerplate, he should re-write his canned boilerplate so that it conforms to his voice, and his part of the world. Better yet, just erase the canned boilerplate, and write your own. And run it through a pro editor before you start clicking it into reports. Any two-finger typist should be able to condemn this electrical panel with about 30 seconds' worth of writing. Takes that long to locate the boilerplate. WJ

Just as I purposely call corbels gerbils, I sometimes, in the presence of rubes, call condominiums kinda-minimums. And I act like I mean it. Cain't take me nowhere, WJ (incorrigible) PS: Thanks to the brother who mentioned "columnade." Just this morning, I was trying to remember what to call that decorative woodwork between my LR and DR.

There's nothing wrong with "pilaster." Are we demonstrating here that I was right when I said all HIs should have to take a basic architectural history course? When in the presence of rubes, I have purposely referred to corbels as gerbils, just to see if anybody caught on. Nobody did. Or, I guess they could've walked off saying, "did you hear that guy keep calling corbels gerbils?" WJ

OK, somebody tell me what's wrong with baluster and column. WJ

manufacture for manufacturer cite vs. site vs. sight door "jam" "lathe" for lath. "observed" when "saw" would be better "It was noted that..." "Recommend replacement of..." (How hard is it to type, "I"? "Suggest repair..." (See above. Also, an HI should have the courage to recommend rather than suggest.) "Consult with owner..." "XYZ is present..." leaving esses off the end of plural words, as one see in Japanese technical writing "your" right (as opposed to you're right) any fuzzy word or phrase commonly used by HIs to soften up reports, even though everybody with an IQ over 50 knows weaselspeak when he sees it. For instance: potential, suspected, possible, appears to be, moisture (sounds so much better than water). Anything written in passive voice. Things that should be written in present tense (plumbing is copper) written in the past tense (plumbing was copper). Saying the same thing over and over, or worse, halfway explaining something, then starting to re-explain, right in the same sentence. And my favorite pet peeve: "The Inspector." When every-dang-body knows exactly who the inspector is. There is so much more... Finally, a subjective opinion: Customers notice bad spelling and bad writing, and they start to doubt the writer's credibility as soon as they recognize the problem(s). Don't think for a minute that they don't. WJ