The Rooster

[Paul MacLean]

I normally don't pass this stuff on but this is too good to leave on the table. Enjoy...

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly & greatly coveted

awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

[Steven Hockstein]

Paul-You started this..I can imagine the groans after this one:

In light of the news of the so-called human cloning going on, we have

to ask ourselves the hypothetical question:

If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be:

(A) Murder,

(B) Suicide, or

© Merely making an obscene clone fall

[chrisprickett]

And the hits just keep on comin'...

man is looking for a job. Reading the want ads he notices that the local

school district needs a bus driver. He thinks this will be a piece of cake

job and heads out to the school bus garage.

"We have only one route left open." says the dispatcher, "It's the Special

Ed bus. That one over there with Ernie, Bert, Oscar, and Big Bird painted

on the side. Here's your route. Good Luck."

So, the guy heads out on his new bus route. At the first stop there are two

extremly fat girls. The first one says, "Hi. My name is Patty.", and gets on

the bus. The second one gets on and says, "Hi. My name is Patty too."

He goes to the next stop. A little boy gets on the bus and says, "My name is

Ross and Jerry says I'm special."

At the third stop a young boy gets on and states, "Yo! I'm Lester-T!"

This boy sits down right behind the bus driver.

So, the bus driver continues along the route picking up kids. Suddenly he is

utterly revolted by a smell coming from the back of the bus. He turns around

and finds Lester-T with his shoes and socks off. He is picking at a

particularly nasty looking bunyon on one of his feet.

This so revolts the bus driver that he skips the rest of the stops, literally

kicks the kids off of the bus at school and returns to the school bus garage.

"I quit!", he says, "I can't stand it!"

"What's the problem?", asks the dispatcher.

"You want to know what the problem is?", stammers the man. "You want to know

what the problem is! I'll tell you. You've got two obese Pattys, special

Ross with Lester-T picking Bunyons on a Sesame Street bus."