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Got this e-mail from a friend today, its pretty good:

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots,

size 14-16.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo

and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Hey Bubba: Big Mike, Slim, Tiny and I went for more ammo. Back in an hour.

Don't mess with the Pitbulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but I

locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside."

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