SonOfSwamp

I've got to do it: It's stationery. That's stuff you write on. Stationary means, "standing still." This is common knowledge. WJ

I pulled rags out of the "rags-in-a-box" box, stood on the pristine white rags, and showed that there was no dirt on my shoes. And, being the curmudgeon that I am, if a seller asked me to take my shoes off, I said, "You're insulting my mother, my grandmother and all my female ancestors. I was taught how to clean my own feet." WJ

1. Does the dryer still work? 2. Do the lights in your house get brighter when you power something up? WJ

It would be interesting to see what the HI wrote in his report. Could have been "worthless pablum." WJ

Maybe it's just me, but I told customers to have the seller or RE agent monkey with the fireplace, if the fireplace needed monkeying with. Me, I didn't monkey. Why? Because as an old HVAC tech told me, "If you mess around with gas every day, sooner or later, you will set yourself on fire." Really, why would I want to start a fire? Final funny (sorta): Some years back, a buckethead competitor didn't look up the chimney, but he did fire up and "test" the gas fireplace. (He couldn't just write it up; he had to work on it.) Well, don't you know, the flame from the monkeyed-with fireplace found the styrofoam just above the fireplace. Lots of thick black smoke, smoke detectors screaming, smoke damage, etc. Big day for buckethead. I know all this because the RE agent was waiting for the HI to call him at his office, which was just up the road. Instead of getting the HI's phone call, the RE agent heard the fire engines coming up the road. WJ

Possibly little-known fact: A Garmin Nuvi 755T user doesn't need to know anything about maps. A driving unit can find anything. Just go to Google Earth, find the building you're looking for, then put the latitude/longitude info (bottom left corner of the computer screen) into the GPS, and the voice (I use Australia Karen) will take you right to the spot. Using this method, I found ballfields and hotels all spring... WJ

I just measured a unit of the siding and/or brick, and counted up the X-inches drop of the roof, ridge to eave. Did the math in my head and that was that. I did that from the ground, because, don't you know, I just wasn't going to risk my skeleton. WJ

Just call your heat-and-air guy and let him fix it. Maybe he'll let you look over his shoulder. Most likely, the job will get done sooner, and there's less chance of something going wrong. It's service-call time anyway. (Bathwater hot in South Carolina). WJ

What would be the narrative? Understand that a proper remediation costs thousands of dollars (air seal all penetrations between home and attic, correct ventilation deficiencies, sand off mold stains, etc). Option two is to cold fog the attic with a mold control agent every couple of years (only a few hundred dollars)? The difficulty is in trying to figure out in some cases what is or was the moisture source. Is there only moderate mold staining at north side eaves or is it a completely black attic. How do you go about deciding which cases support using a mold control agent vrs full remediation or do you just give them the options and let them decide. You know a number of them are still going to ask us which is the best option to go with if it was our house. Chris, Oregon I don't intend to get into any mold cases, but I have a question: Is there any good science or good common sense that says fogging a house with stuff that ends in -cide won't make things worse? FWIW, if such a situation were connected to an HI job, my narrative would be: "I'm ignorant about microbiology and agnostic about mold remediation. You need to find somebody who knows more than I do." WJ

How about shortening to the above...? Maybe it's just me, but I'd go with something like, "I'm not sure what it is or was, but it looks to be harmless." Twenty years in the HI biz, and nobody ever asked me to explain a dirt-dauber nest. WJ

Thanx, I had a feeling about that. Couldn't find it in Wikipedia. You might want to consider: do you really want to whip out Latin for a home inspection report? "In place" might be an alternative... WJ

I think it's a poop pump, not a sump pump. Of course, I could be wrong, WJ

I bought a Garmin 755T from Amazon. I've used it all over the Southeast, following my daughter's college softball team. Look it up. Read the reviews. IMHO, the thing is heaven-sent. WJ

My SmartyPantsLawyer (SPL) covered the mold scare/frenzy with something like this abridged commentary, dredged from my memory. Mold can turn up anywhere at any time. It may grow slowly or quickly. Some molds can make some people sick. We can't confirm or rule out the presence of mold in any dwelling. In your (let's say attic), I saw some (describe mold, but don't name it anything like toxic black mold). The only practical way to determine whether or not this growth is harmful is to have it observed and tested in a good laboratory. If you're worried about mold, hire a qualified person or company to collect the substance, have it tested, and report the results of the test to you. As brother Katen says, if you cover your client's arse, you will cover your own. WJ

Hey, I've felt the sting of brother Hansen once or twice. Truth be told, I was flattered to have gotten his attention. As I recall, brother Hansen was the first "elder" to tell me that I shouldn't waste my time correcting those who clearly aren't going to get any better. Something along the lines of the Gray quote, which goes something like, "Where ignorance is bliss, it's folly to be wise." WJ

I told customers straight up: "If you want a flashlight, you've got to bring your own. These flashlights cost about half as much as your inspection." Also, if a busybody granddaddy showed up with his own flashlight, I'd say something like, "Let me know when you're done with your flashlighting. Because I flashlight solo." Oh, and this: When a busybody started following me around, I'd say something like, "You're going to have to follow Rick. He's in charge of keeping folks away from me, so I don't get distracted. And if you start distracting him, he'll send you back to me. Best thing to do is just have a seat on the couch until I'm ready to give you the highlight reel." Is it obvious that I didn't have to rely on RE agent referrals? WJ

Sounds about right. A dark-side alliance. One hopes buyers will beware. The "worthless pablum" will haunt HouseMaster forever, WJ

Pardon me for asking, but isn't the term "move-in condition?" Best I recall, "lived-in" is a term usually applied to a house that's kinda beat. WJ

Brother ScottGregg, Thanks for the info and good luck with the wall savers, but we're home inspectors, not vendors. We "observe and report." As you'll surely understand, it's not cool to mix up objective observing and reporting with sales pitches. WJ

I did a fair number of multi-building properties: Richfolk houses with pool houses, cottages, etc. Also little developments with a half-dozen duplexes, etc. And some apartment buildings... Anyhow, I just wrote up separate reports. One for each dwelling. Some jobs -- like the one with the duplexes -- were pretty easy. The dwellings were almost identical. Maybe it's just me, but I think it makes sense to write up each property separately. I think anything else would create a massive unreadable jumble. There are enough of those being created already. WJ

Nothing to stop an HI from having his customer sign a contract that specifies any type of inspection/presentation that the parties agree on. (Well, as long as it doesn't run afoul of the law.) If I wanted to do video walk-and-talks, I'd just do 'em. That said, I think it would be kinda risky. Video could include things that the HI might've missed, or didn't describe properly. Stuff like that... WJ

It is a humble profession, ain't it? WJ

I respectfully submit that canned grammar checkers suck all the humanity out of one's writing. If a grammar checker could be brought to life, it would come in the form of the crabby old baggy-stockinged grade school teacher that you still hate after 40-something years. My advice to young wanna-be writers: Learn all the rules, then break 'em. WJ

I say don't rely on spell checkers. We have to be smarter than the spell checkers. Since I started using MS Word, I've had spell-check and grammar-check turned off. I wouldn't want a spell-checker checking my spelling any more than I'd want a spell-checker driving my car. WJ

Let me gently suggest that you call the manufacturer and get explicit info regarding how the furnace should be hooked up. Or, maybe better, tell the customer to call an HVAC tech and get whatever needs fixing fixed. WJ